Oooh, nuance!

In yesterday's statement, Wendy Vitter (Wife - Diaper-Wearing Prostitute-Frequenter) whined and moaned about how the media was persecuting the Vitters and their children. Why, they even followed poor widdu Wendy to CHURCH! How could the eeeeevil press hurt the family of such a paragon of Republic family values? After all, we all know how Jeebus-fearing it is to pay women for sex!

The crowning moment of eye-popping hypocrisy was when Ms. Vitter proclaimed, "In any other family, this would be a private matter." Uh-huh. Because breaking the law is okay if Jeebus and your wife forgive you, right? And of course, when Bill Clinton strayed with a consenting adult who was, in fact, NOT a prostitute, Ms. Vitter had this to say:

"I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbit than Hillary. If he does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me."

So Bill Clinton didn't break the law, and he deserves to be Bobbitized by Hillary (who is, apparently, a wimp for allowing Bill to get away with a whole wee-wee). But Vitty breaks the law, and not only is Mrs. Vitty a long-suffering Christian wife, but she deserves to be left alone because it's a PRIVATE FAMILY MATTER?

Please excuse me while I go poke my eye out with a fork.