Oooh, nuance!

THE SCENE: The Oval Office. PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH is absent from the seat behind the desk. VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY squats there instead, toad-like, hands folded on his stomach, chin down, snoring gently. A large box on the desk reads: "DC TRANSLATOR - PUSH RED BUTTON TO ACTIVATE." There is a comfy-looking sofa on one side of the desk, and a couple of wing chairs rest on the other side.

The clock on the wall reads 8:59. It's morning, and the windows are full of light.

The clock hits 9:00. BUSH enters through a side door, wiping a little extra powder from under his nose.

BUSH [walking over to CHENEY, amped]: Woo-hoo! [shakes CHENEY awake] That was some good shit, Dick. Paraguay again?

CHENEY: [grouchy] Grrrmmm-mmrrrm-prrrrmmmm! [CHENEY only speaks in sneers and mumbles.]

BUSH: God bless it, I forgot again. [presses red button on DC translator] Say what, Dick?

CHENEY: I said, no, that's prime shit from Colombia. They're upping their production lately.

BUSH: [crossing to sofa next to desk and lying on it, hands crossed behind his head] Well, shit, freedom isn't free.

CHENEY: [rolling eyes] Sure, George, whatever you say. [brief, awkward pause]

BUSH: [fidgeting nervously] Heh-heh. Say, where's Bolty with my daily briefing? You know how I hate it when people are late.

[JOSH BOLTEN, Bush's Chief of Staff, enters through another door.]

BOLTEN [nervous]: H-h-hello, Mr. President. Mr. Vice President. I apologize for my inexcusable lateness, but there was a gas leak on my street, some houses exploded, and well, my wife and kids are dead. I had to make a few arrangements. [The clock on the wall still reads 9 am.]

BUSH: Gosh, that's terrible, Bolty. I hope you know that your wife and kids died as heroes. We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them here! [Bush smiles expectantly. Awkward pause again.]

BOLTEN: Uh, thanks, Mr. President. That was, um, very inspirational.

BUSH: Of course it was! Now, just give me my briefing, and you can have the rest of the day off for the memorial service and golfing.

BOLTEN: G-g-golfing, sir?

BUSH: Sure! That's what my parents did when my little sister died. Isn't that what everyone does? Help me out here, Dick?

CHENEY [rolling his eyes]: Mrrrmmmm-hmphmmm-grmmmm!

BOLTEN: Darned thing! Here, let me, Mr. President. [crosses to desk, hits Cheney translator a couple of times, presses the red button again]

BUSH: Heh-heh. Never mind, we'll catch you on the other side, Dick-o. So anyway, Bolty, how's Operation Loose End going?

BOLTEN: [cheering up a bit] Excellente, sir! [His Spanish accent is impeccable.]

BUSH [threatened]: Say what now?

BOLTEN [contritely]: Oh, I apologize for my poor pronunciation, sir. I mean [butchering the word] excellente! [sits in one of the wing chairs next to the desk]

BUSH [relieved]: Oh. Okay then! So, we finally got that asshole Maliki to open the gates? [CHENEY smirks widely.]

BOLTEN: Yessir, that mission is accomplished. Iraq's oil leases are ready for the taking.

CHENEY: Heckuva job, Georgie! Thank Halliburton that no one was able to get access to my secret energy meeting minutes before we invaded Iraq.

BUSH: Heh-heh. Yeah, Dick-o, wouldn't have been too good if the American people knew how you guys were already divvying up the pot back in Oh-One, now, would it? [All three snicker knowingly.]

BUSH: All right, Bolty, what other good news ya got for me?

BOLTEN: Well, sir, now that the North Koreans are no longer on the Axis of Evil - good job there, Mr. President - we've only got two countries left to invade. Which one should we bomb?

[BUSH looks helplessly at CHENEY.]

CHENEY: Do you need to go to the bathroom again, George?

BUSH: [getting up and pacing] No, no, waitaminute, I know this one - the other countries are, Iraq and Lebanon, right?

BOLTEN: Very close, sir! Mr. Vice President, can you show the President the chart again? I updated it myself after the good news from Kim-Jung Il.

[CHENEY sighs dramatically, then stands up laboriously, pulling down a chart from above the President's desk. The chart looks like this.]

BUSH [squinting dubiously]: Oh, yeah! I remember those guys. Thanks, Bolty! [sits down in a wing chair next to BOLTEN, who gazes at BUSH adoringly] So, who do you think we should bomb, Dick-o?

CHENEY: Well, George, you know, I think we shouldn't bomb either of them now. We've got the oil leases. Let's just kick back and celebrate your glorious successes until they inaugurate McCain in 2009.

BUSH: You, uh, seem pretty confident that McCain is gonna win this thing. What about this guy Obambo?

BOLTEN: That's Obama, sir. Barack Obama.

BUSH: Barack a-What-a? Jeezus Christmas, what a crazy name. Anywho, Fristy and Boney tell me the Democrats are gonna cream 'em in Congress in November. They're so depressed, they're thinking of spending time with their families, if ya know what I mean.

BOLTEN: They must be depressed, sir - have you seen their families? [All three chortle manfully.]

BUSH: Seriously, guys - I'm a little nervous that after the new President comes in, they might do that impeachment thing to me and Dick. I mean, if that idiot Kerry had been elected in 2004, we would have started impeachin' him in February of Oh-Five!

CHENEY: The Democrats won't win this one, George. Obama has, shall we say, religious problems. You know, that "God Damn America" guy? And he launched his Senate career from a terrorist's doorstep.

BUSH: Terrorists? Where? Freedom is on the march!!! [awkward silence]

BOLTEN [jumping in]: Yes, sir, it sure is! Anyway, what the Vice President is saying, is that the Democrats nominated the one guy who couldn't win this year. The Democratic base doesn't like him, and he's managed to piss off a lot of people so much that they started their own movement.

BUSH: Oh yeah - that PUMA stuff. Can you believe that some morons think those PUMA idiots are Republicans? We wouldn't stand for that shit in our house, would we Turd Blossom?

[KKKARL ROVE steps out from behind a curtain.]

ROVE: No, we sure wouldn't. The idiots in our party wanted Huckabee. We put a stop to that crap right away.

I agree with Dick. The Democratic Party won't win the White House in November. We've got our ads all ready to go - we're just waiting in case the Democrats come to their senses and nominate Hillary.

BUSH [flinching]: Jeezus, TB, don't bring up that bitch's name to me. I have nightmares about her sitting in this office and destroying everything we've done! My legacy could be in ruins! No more signing statements. No more torture. No more warrantless wiretapping. No more tax breaks for our friends and family. She could make the middle class strong again, and then who'd vote for us? And you know she is just DYING to impeach our butts. [pause]

Gimme a drink, Dick. [CHENEY reaches into a desk drawer and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels. BUSH takes a long swig out of the bottle and puts it down on the desk.] Whoooo-ee, that's the stuff. Sorry for the freak-out, boys, but that woman scares the shit out of me.

[All three others in unison]: Me too!

BUSH: All right, Karl, you can go back behind the curtains again. You're not supposed to be here, ya know.

ROVE: Right you are, George. [obeys]

BOLTEN: [clearing throat] Okay, so, to summarize, everything's great, no threats on the horizon, and you're set for a clear landing in January.

CHENEY: I'll drink to that! [swigs from the same bottle as BUSH] You can go now, Josh. [BOLTEN salutes, then leaves the office.]

BUSH: [going back to the couch] Hey, Dick - you got any more of that stuff you gave me before? I gotta go clear Condi's brush. Heh-heh.

[LIGHTS OUT]

Okay, no more McCaca today. Today's obsession is - Tricky Dick!

Apparently, we're still kicking him around.

President Bush's refusal to let two confidants provide information to Congress about fired federal prosecutors represents the most expansive view of executive privilege since Watergate, the House Judiciary Committee told a federal judge Thursday.

Lawyers for the Democratic-led panel argued in court documents that Bush's chief of staff, Josh Bolten, and former White House counsel Harriet Miers are not protected from subpoenas last year that sought information about the dismissals.

The legal filing came in lawsuit that pits the legislative branch against the executive in a fight over a president's powers.

The committee is seeking the testimony as it tries to make a case that the White House directed the firing of nine U.S. attorneys because they were not supportive enough of Republicans' political agenda.

[snip]

"Not since the days of Watergate have the Congress and the federal courts been confronted with such an expansive view of executive privilege as the one asserted by the current presidential administration and the individual defendants in this case," according to the House's filing.

The idea that Miers could disregard an order to appear at a hearing simply at the president's request suggests a return to the sentiment expressed in Nixon's statement, as quoted in a 1977 New York Times interview, that "when the president does it, that means that it is not illegal," the House lawyers wrote.

My goodness. Why in the world would the Bush Administration be so incredibly secretive? Could it possibly be that they are also hiding something nefarious? Not just about the fired attorneys, but about many other things? Things that could be, well, illegal under our Constitution and international law?

Like, perhaps, this?

WASHINGTON (AP) — Bush administration officials from Vice President Dick Cheney on down signed off on using harsh interrogation techniques against suspected terrorists after asking the Justice Department to endorse their legality, The Associated Press has learned.

The officials also took care to insulate President Bush from a series of meetings where CIA interrogation methods, including waterboarding, which simulates drowning, were discussed and ultimately approved.

We have replaced the paranoid, drunk, dictatorial President Richard Nixon with the paranoid, drunk, dictatorial, warmongering, face-shooting, torturing President Richard Cheney.

I'll tell you something: it's not an improvement. Because Cheney learned from Nixon's mistakes: he corrupted the Justice Department immediately upon taking office, and had Bush push through as many right-wing federal judges as possible while the Republics were in the majority.

Now, despite the Democrats' efforts to hold this Administration accountable for clear and obvious criminality, it may be impossible to circumvent all the roadblocks put in place by our new Tricky Dick and his trained monkey. The reason the subpoenas of Harriet Miers and Josh Bolten were not enforced in the first place was that the Justice Department refused to enforce them. The House then filed contempt charges, which the Justice Department again refused to enforce. At that point, the House decided to sue in federal court, and this is where we are.

I just have one eensy request: If we're going to repeat Richard Nixon's greatest hits, can we play my favorite one?

Impeachment?

It's amazing. Even though Bush was supposedly set to veto any extension of the Protect America Act, which was put in place temporarily in August to prevent the telecom/Bushie immunity from passing the Senate, he suddenly, miraculously agreed to let the PAA be extended for 15 days. What does that tell you?

It tells me that Bush really, really wants immunity from warrantlessly wiretapping Americans. Why? Two reasons: 1) Because the fact that he did so is one of the strongest reasons for impeachment; and 2) The FISA court doesn't grant warrants to spy on Congressional Democrats, and that's what they've been doing. Whoooooooops!

If Bush and his minions allow the old FISA law to be reinstated - which it will be, if the Senate cannot agree on a more permanent "fix" than the Protect America Act - then he will not get immunity. Today, it looks like immunity may be off the table. And you know, impeachment proceedings can be begun after a President leaves office. Not gonna look too good in the history books, eh, Worst President Evah?

In my never-humble opinion, Senate Democrats should be doing everything they can to allow the Protect America Act to expire. After all, Bush was warrantlessly wiretapping us BEFORE the attacks of 9/11, and 3,000 people still died. And what about the anthrax killer? Despite all the spying, we somehow haven't caught THAT terrorist either. So no Osama bin Laden and no anthrax killer. Gee, I feel so much safer since Bush started his destruction of the Bill of Rights!

I'll take the old law and my civil liberties back, thank you. And can I have a side order of impeachment with that?

Mmmmmmmm, that looks delicious!

WARNING: Stormy Waters Ahead. Proceed with Caution.

Remember when the three Democratic frontrunners all refused to commit to withdrawing all troops from Iraq by the end of their first term? A lot of folks in the blogosphere were outraged by that, saying that the Democrats really didn't want to end the war, that they were as bad as Bush, blah blah freaking blah.

My reaction was: Of COURSE they can't commit to it, because they don't know what horrible surprises will await them once they finally get the evil monkey out of his feces-stained squat in the Oval Office.

And lo, last Sunday it was revealed unto the nation by Newsweek's Michael Hirsh that the Chimp-in-Chief has a very, very nasty surprise planned indeed. Not content to smear his shit all over Iraq for the past five years, he wants to make sure the stench can't be removed for a long, long time - not even by President [fill in the Democrat] in 2009.

In remarks to the traveling press, delivered from the Third Army operation command center here, Bush said that negotiations were about to begin on a long-term strategic partnership with the Iraqi government modeled on the accords the United States has with Kuwait and many other countries.

[snip]

Most significant of all, the new partnership deal with Iraq, including a status of forces agreement that would then replace the existing Security Council mandate authorizing the presence of the U.S.-led multinational forces in Iraq, will become a sworn obligation for the next president. It will become just another piece of the complex global security framework involving a hundred or so countries with which Washington now has bilateral defense or security cooperation agreements. Last month, Sen. Hillary Clinton urged Bush not to commit to any such agreement without congressional approval. The president said nothing about that on Saturday, but Lute said last fall that the Iraqi agreement would not likely rise to the level of a formal treaty requiring Senate ratification. Even so, it would be difficult if not impossible for future presidents to unilaterally breach such a pact. [emphasis added]

Mr. Hirsh goes on to say that under the proposed accords, troop levels will be drawn down to around 60,000 by the end of 2008. Well, at least that would be an improvement, right? Of course, that number does not include Blackwater and other mercenary groups; and of course, we would be required to have (say it with me now) PERMANENT MILITARY BASES IN IRAQ. Wheeee!!! Can't you just see Cheney gloating in his bunker, his fat slug body rolling naked in $1,000 bills? Ohhhhh, the humanity!

No wonder KKKarl was claiming that Iraq will not be an issue in the 2008 election. This horrifying scheme has his drool all over it. If permanent military bases are in these accords, and the next President is obligated to continue the occupation forevah, then what can be done to get us out of Iraq?

FUCK! What in the name of the Giant Green Lizard is it going to take to make Nancy Pelosi realize that the only way to bring our troops home is to impeach Cheney and Bush NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW?!?!?!?!?! What the hell does she think we've been screaming about for the past year? Not just stopping the invasion of Iran, but also finally extricating ourselves from the bloody morass in Iraq, depends on it. GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, MADAME SPEAKER, AND DO SOMETHING NOW!!!!

Calmer Waters Ahead Now. Safe for Delicate Stomachs.

All right, now that I've blown off some steam...it's time for a little optimism. Unlike Mr. Hirsh, who seems absolutely delighted by these revoltin' developments, I'm not convinced that an agreement based on an illegal occupation truly can be considered binding. And tell me, which "Iraqi government" will approve the accords? Surely even the Deciderer knows that the existing coalition of the unwilling is far from unified. By 2009, an entirely new structure or majority could be in place; one that, like most Iraqis, wants us the hell out of there.

Despite the eventual outcome of this scheme, it remains a truly Machiavellian and disgusting way of using our troops to shield the Deciderer from the consequences of his actions.

Tragically for our nation, our soldiers, and the Iraqis suffering under the brutal yoke of a hostile occupying force, that's just the way Bush and Cheney do business.

Worst. Co-Presidents. EVER.

It's National Impeachment Call-In Day! Get Dennis Kucinich's resolution out of its exile in the Judiciary Committee. Ask your Congresscritter to support Congressman Wexler's demand for impeachment hearings.

Making a quick phone call is the least we can do to support patriots like Wexler and Kucinich.

I feel like Keith Olbermann as I ponder which BushCheney war crime will be counted by history as the Worst! War Crime! In the Worrrrrrrrlllllld!

Is it the torturing and rendering of suspected terrorists, which is against U.S. and International Law?

Is it the propagandizing of the citizenry and elected representatives thereof in support of dragging us into wars for empire and diminishing natural resources? (Note: This one is a three-fer: Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran all fall into this category.)

Is it the treasonous outing of a CIA agent who was working to protect America from nuclear proliferation in Iran and elsewhere?

We have smoking gun evidence of all these crimes, some of them even being admitted by their various perpetrators. Yet although investigations are taking place, and many quite effectively, so far the masterminds behind them - Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, George Bush - have remained free to continue to torture, maim and kill as many as they wish in the name of "national security." Thank goodness 25% of cowardly, worthless, un-American Americans feel safer - that's certainly worth allowing war criminals to go unpunished!

Impeach. Indict. Incarcerate.

Darth couldn't be bothered to stay awake during the videoconference about the California wildfires. Not enough death to keep you interested, Dick?

Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani just can't seem to say that waterboarding is torture.

So let me summarize. The Republican platform is:

1) I hate gays, brown people and Muslims;
2) No one can take away my AK-47;
3) If everyone isn't Christian, both the world and my haid will explode;
4) War good, killing good, torturing good, talking and Constitution baaaad;
5) I don't give a shit about anyone but me.

What does their bumper sticker look like?

"Fascist Sociopaths Unite! Vote Republican in 2008."

No wonder they have to steal elections.

Hmmmm....this could be interesting.

WASHINGTON — Attorney General-designate Michael Mukasey said Wednesday the president doesn't have the authority to use torture techniques against terrorism suspects, a stance not taken by predecessor Alberto Gonzales and considered key to the nominee's confirmation.

Mukasey repudiated a 2002 memo by then-Assistant Attorney General Jay Bybee that said the president has the power to issue orders that violate the Geneva Conventions as well as international and U.S. laws prohibiting torture. The memo was later disavowed and overridden by an executive order governing interrogation and treatment of terrorism suspects, which allowed harsh questioning of suspects but included a vaguely worded ban on cruel and inhuman treatment.

"The Bybee memo, to paraphrase a French diplomat, was worse than a sin, it was a mistake. It was unnecessary," Mukasey told the Senate Judiciary Committee under questioning by Chairman Patrick Leahy, D-Vt.

In the Frontline documentary on Dick Cheney and his cabal last night, one thing was very clear: The Administration was greatly assisted in its grab for extraordinary executive power by Alberto Gonzalez and the DOJ. Attorneys such as David Addington and John Yoo crafted signing statements and influential opinions that purported to justify that the President had unlimited power, and for six horrible years, the President governed just that way.

Looks like the DOJ could be a bit more principled with Mukasey at the head...

Yes, it's true. There are a few conservatives I actually listen to and shout "Amen!" when they speak. One of these is Bruce Fein, the architect of the Clinton impeachment.

I know, I know. But he also wants to impeach Dick Cheney and George W. Bush! And, this morning on the Sammy and Army Show (I know, I know) he offered the best dissection I've ever heard of why executive privilege doesn't protect the Preznit and his criminal cohorts from Congressional subpoenas. Mr. Fein summed up these arguments in a July, 2007 article in Slate:

The president's claim of privilege pivots on a false assumption wrongly endorsed by the Supreme Court in United States v. Nixon: namely, that the president will not receive candid and unfettered advice from subordinates absent a guarantee that their communications will remain confidential. What nonsense. I have worked in and out of government for 38 years. I have never heard any high or low executive-branch official so much as insinuate that presidential advice had been or might be skewed or withheld if confidentiality were not guaranteed. The gravity of advising the president universally overcomes anxieties over possible embarrassment through subsequent publicity. Moreover, every presidential adviser knows that confidentiality is never ironclad. Presidents routinely waive executive privilege in jockeying with Congress; confidentiality is always subservient to a criminal investigation or prosecution under the Nixon precedent; and leaks to the media of confidential presidential memos or conversations overflow like the Nile. Indeed, President Bush has himself waived the privilege repeatedly in the ongoing U.S. attorneys investigations by the two committees.

Executive privilege is a concoction, then, to protect secrecy for the sake of secret government, while transparency is the rule of enlightened democracies to insure political accountability and to deter folly or wrongdoing.

Good on you, Bruce. It's nice when former sinners see the light.

And by the way, if Dick Cheney is not a member of the Executive Branch, as he continues to argue, then it follows that he is not covered by Executive Privilege, no?

Something tells me that Darth Cheney should have gotten a better lawyer, because if I can figure that out, I'm sure the lawyers in Congress can too...

I wish I could stop being astonished at the sheer audacity and venality of the Vice President. In my opinion, he is the most purely evil figure in all of politics. While George Bush appears to be all vanity, stupidity, stubbornness and insecurity, Dick Cheney seems to love to, in the words of Monty Burns, "wallow in his own crapulence."

Yesterday, Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont), chairman of the Judiciary Committee, stated in a press briefing that the White House has run out of time to respond to his subpoenas to turn over documents regarding the illegal NSA warrantless spying program. As a result, when Congress comes back in session, if the White House still hasn't complied, the Judiciary Committee will vote on contempt of Congress charges.

...And interestingly enough, I pointed out that every single one of these subpoenas, they have been issued by a bipartisan vote. There have been no close votes on them.

So I would hope they’d do it. And, if not, the full Judiciary Committee will have to sit down and determine whether to seek contempt from the full Senate.

As fascinating and wonderful as that prospect is to contemplate, I felt the other revelations in Senator Leahy's statement were even more amazing.

Apparently the 109th Congress - the REPUBLICAN-LED Congress - was also very concerned about the warrantless wiretapping program. Arlen Specter and other members of the Judiciary Committee attempted to get the information, but something very strange happened.

QUESTION: Is your impression they’re dragging their feet?

LEAHY: Well, you know, a lot of these questions were asked by the former chairman a couple years ago, and we haven’t gotten an answer.

In fact, we were about to issue subpoenas then and one of the senators came to our meeting and said that the vice president had met with the Republican senators and told them they were not allowed to issue subpoenas.

Not quite sure that’s my understanding of the separation of powers, but it seemed to work at that time...

Not only that, but yesterday, Cheney apparently repeated his claim that he was not a part of the executive branch.

Incidentally, in the administration’s response today, they claimed the Office of the Vice President is not part of the Executive Office of the President. So it’s some kind of fourth branch of government.

Well, that’s wrong. Both the United States Code says it is part of the president — oh, incidentally, at least this morning, as I left Vermont, I checked the White House Web site. And even their own Web site, this morning, at least, says that the Executive Office — that the vice president is part of the Executive Office of the President.

WOW.

Now let's put this into a smaller perspective for a second. You suspect that your 13-year-old child is doing drugs. You knock on your child's door, and yell that you're going to search his/her room for such drugs. The child responds,

"First of all, Mom, I forbid you to search my room. Second of all, I've decided I'm not your child any more, and third of all, NYAH NYAH NYAH, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

As the child's parent, you are legally within your right to search the child's room. Furthermore, it is your duty to provide oversight of the child's activities, and of course, the child certainly cannot decide not to be your progeny! Finally, the child's last so-called point is nothing but a last-ditch effort to prevent you from doing your job as a parent. (It won't, but it will most likely result in an even harsher punishment than you would have prescribed at first! The nerve of that brat!)

Like the fictional child in my example, Dick Cheney's argument rests on nothing, and it's astonishing that a grown person - a person who holds the second highest political office in our country - would resort to such childish and ridiculous tactics. We can be absolutely certain that the documents the Judiciary Committee has requested are damning beyond all redemption.

As Senator Leahy said, the Republican Senators bought the act at the time. But thankfully for our country, oversight is back. I hope Dick Cheney likes the color orange, because he's going to be wearing it for a long time.