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Saturday, July 5, 2008

Obama Hears a "Huh?!" - A Play in One Oblivious Act.

THE SCENE: BARACK OBAMA is sleeping in a five-star hotel room. Four-poster bed, multi-room suite, you know the deal. He has a purple satin sleep mask over his eyes. His wife, MICHELLE, can be heard, but not seen, humming "Hail To the Chief" from the enormous bathroom, where she is taking a bubble bath.

BILL BURTON, Obama's campaign manager, knocks diffidently on the bedroom door.

BURTON: Hey, Barack? Are you awake yet?

MICHELLE (from bathroom): Dammit Bill, I told you to call him "Mr. President!"

BURTON: (rolling his eyes) Sorry, Michelle. Uh, Mr. President?

OBAMA: (stretching and removing his mask) Oh, hey Bill. [BURTON enters the room] What time is it?

BURTON: Almost 6 am. Up and at 'em, tiger!

OBAMA: Oh man. My waffles coming?

BURTON: Like always, Mr. President. [OBAMA smiles.]

OBAMA: Cool. So, what's happening today? Is everybody happy?

BURTON: Uh, not really, Mr. President. [OBAMA's smile disappears.]

OBAMA: What the hell? What will it take for those Catwomen -

BURTON: PUMAs, Barack.

OBAMA: [waving hand dismissively] Fine, fine, whatever, PUMAs - to get on the Obama train? Do I have to give them a kiss or something?

BURTON: Actually, I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about your fans in the blogosphere. They are really, really pissed about this FISA compromise.

OBAMA: [chuckling] Oh. I thought it was something serious! After everything I've said and done, they're mad at me about FISA, huh? Lord, they are hilarious. They really think I'm going to filibuster? Are they crazy? I don't have time for that crap, I've got a campaign to run! Let Feingold and Dodd take care of it.

BURTON: But they've threatened to withhold campaign donations. They've formed a group of 16,000 people on your website.

OBAMA: [smiling] Come on, Bill. I've got fundraisers coming up where people are paying $30,000 a plate to see me. Does Markos really think his $2300 is going to make a dent? Seriously, these people do not have a clue.

BURTON: So, you think they'll vote for you anyway?

MICHELLE (from the bathroom): Of course they will! You think they'll vote for John McCain? After all...

[all three together]: Where else can they go?

BURTON: [smiling] You're right, Mr. President. What was I thinking? Unless they plan to withhold their votes, like those bitchy PUMAs, they're just pissing into the wind. We'll just ignore them like we usually do.

OBAMA: [clapping Burton on the back] My man! That's what I'm talking about. Now, where the hell are those waffles?

[Lights out.]

Cross-posted at The Confluence.


sister of ye said...

Obama's new slogan: Leggo My Eggo!

I can see the new IHOP special coming...

BTW, welcome back! Glad you had a great vacation.

caffinequeen said...

I love it! Especially the part with michelle wanting Bill to call him Mr President! ROFL! It's probably true!